Worth Saving
by integral love
Summary: The new team works good enough with Abby and Connor back but one day Lester realizes that nothing is well. Becker is breaking down and there is nothing to safe him.   Kind of a prequel for Two weeks.
1. Fields of Innocence

I don't own anything but this little idea. That's pretty much about it. Oh and the song I used is Fields of Innocence by Evanscence which I obviously don't own either. Surprise, surprise.

You couldn't ecactly say that it was a bad day but Lester was never one to sugercoat things. Even if, like today, most people would say that all in all everything went well he was too aware of the one thing that didn't to simply ignore it. Yes since Connor and Abby were back their 'missions' went by smoother than before. They knew what they were dealing with and how to deal with it faster than before and they worked well as a team thus their little meeting with another dinosaur went quite well. Still... Lester sighed and turned to look through his wall at the team, his eyes wandering from member to member until they settled upon the one that worried him. What made it worse was that it was the one who normally needed none of his extra attention but he had known that it would come to this sooner or later. Actually he was rather suprised that it had taken this long for the young captain to become his trouble of the day or by the looks of him most likely the week. While the team had scared the creature back in the anomaly pretty fast it was Matt who had brought it to Lester's attention that they had trouble sealing the anomaly. And not the kind of trouble one would suspect, rather it had been Becker who had stood in front of the anomaly unmoving and in a dream-like state. While Lester had not answered to any of Matt's ideas of why the soldier was troubled he had one of his own. True, Abby and Connor had returned and had brought certain calmness back to Becker, one he had been missing since he came back, but their return had marked the time of their departure one year previous. Something one migth think to be only significant for the scientific purpose, Matt and even Jess certainly did, Lester though knew his team better than people suspected. He cared after all so for him it was no stretch to imagine the real problem which had been known as Sarah Page and which had died one month after the departure of Danny, Abby and Connor. It was a date that would come up within the next week.

Closing his eyes for a moment Lester decided to return to work. No need to continue a thoughtprocess that wouldn't help him in any way. Still he decided to visit Sarahs grave after his shift ended. If only to check whether he was right.

At the end of his day he did indeed visit the grave of Sarah. What he saw there was only more or less a suprise for him. Lesters eyes caught the familiar frame of the Captain departing the graveyard almost as soon as Lester got out of the car. The younger man was oblivious to his presence though, something rare for him. Another sigh escaped his lips when he saw the flowers Becker had placed at the grave. White Callas surrounding one deep red rose. An obvious token of affection as much as a sign that Becker was far from being over her death and not only because he felt guilty because of it. Lester shook his head. There really wasn't much he could do but hope that Becker would not do something immensly stupid. With a last look at the grave and the flowers Lester turned around. There was no reason to linger here anymore for he had gotten all the information needed. Still he wished that he hadn't. No sarcasm could wipe away the truth and this truth was almost as bothersome as the fact that Burton had told him to keep his team in line. Something that was a task none could accomplish. This truth though, it would bring even more trouble for Lester could see how it would affect the whole team. There would be more than one broken heart by the end of this week.

Driving in the car Lester heard a song that provoced a wry smile to cross his features. Indeed it was painfully fitting for Becker and possibly the whole situation.

_Where has my heart gone  
An uneven trade for the real world  
oh I...  
I want to go back to  
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all  
I still remember the sun  
Always warm on my back  
Somehow it seems colder now_


	2. Tauschen gegen dich

So I know most of you probably don't know German but I couldn't help but think that this song was extremely fitting. If anyone is interested I migth translate it. Hope you enjoy^^  
I still own nothing :(

He couldn't explain it, was not able to say what it was. The hairs on the back of his neck stood, a chill ran down his spine and yet all he wanted to do was run right through the anomaly. It was the first time this happened and it was a disturbing feeling. His shock must have shown on his face even after Connor had closed the anomaly because Abby threw him a worried look. He shook his head. Damn it he was a captain and supposed to take care of the team not stand there as if he had seen a ghost.

_Man schwört sich, dass man durchhält  
wenn es wirklich nötig ist.  
Und dass man jeden Tag das Beste geben will._

_Man verspricht, dass man ein Mensch ist,  
auf den man sich verlassen kann.  
Linientreu und fest auf seinem Weg._

Jess had checked on him before he went home. The girl had been thrown off by the looks Abby had continued to give him. Occasional glances of Connor and Matt hadn't really helped the matter either. Still he had said that all was well. It was no use to disturb everyone over nothing. Yet nothing was well at all.

On his way home he stopped himself short from driving to the anomaly. He wouldn't go through it, none would. Not after what had happened with Sarah... He closed his eyes hoping to block the painfull memories or maybe trying to make sure that he would never forget afraid that in the process he would forget her. Instead of driving to the anomaly he opted to visit Sarah grave, something he had wanted to do for days now. Already having flowers did help. When he returned home he didn't know what he wanted anymore. He didn't know whether he wanted to remember or to forget. But this night for the first time in ages he seemed to sleep well.

_All die Pläne und die Ziele.  
Jeden Wunsch, der in mir brennt.  
All das wofür ich sonst so kämpfe,  
würde ich tauschen gegen dich_

When he woke up it was only to find that the feelings of the previous day had not left him. His whole being screamed for the anomaly. Was he going insane? Taking a deep breath he decided to get changed and leave this particular train of thoughts for another time.

The day went by quite normal after his earlier thougths had left him. At least that was what he told himself until it was early afternoon. Abbys glances in his direction had ceased. What he could not deny anymore though was that he had been fooling her as much as he had been fooling himself. When Jess brought him coffee he couldn't help but realise that he had been faking the whole day. All warmth seemed to have left him, every familiar gesture of his team-mates made him feel even emptier inside, every act of kindness or in case of Jess adoration made him crave something else. There was no way to describe this but nothing could bring him comfort. After drinking his coffee with the team he left them in order to check on security. The fact that he ended up in the deserted lab which contained leftovers of Nicks and Sarahs research didn't even register to him until he felt himself touch a picture of the artifact. It was probably the same moment he came to acknowledge the fact that the emotions he was experiencing were nothing new. The only difference was that they were stonger now. All had started with Sarah's death, a part of him had run cold back then.

Why the anomaly had intensified these emotions he could not even begin to imagine. What he knew was that he would gladly exchange everything, his hopes and dreams just to get her back. They were worthless without her. It was impossible though.

_Man schlägt sich durchs halbe Leben  
bis man irgendwann aufblickt.  
Und man schaut sich um und steht alleine da.  
Und man merkt in der Stille,  
wenn man ehrlich zu sich ist,  
dass jeder einsame Erfolg auch bitter schmeckt.  
Meine Hoffnungen und Träume,  
meine Vorstellung von Glück.  
All das wonach ich mich sonst sehne,  
es ist wertlos ohne dich._

Somewhere in the process of thinking he had sat down behind one of the two desks occupying the room. His mind went blank and he stared into nothingness until the alarm went off.

Running into the main room he found that there was no anomaly. Not anymore. "The anomaly from yesterday, it reopened some minutes ago. Then suddenly the detector couldn't find it anymore. I checked via some cameras close by. It's closed again. As far as security tapes say there had no creature came through. No need to check it out until there are reports from sightings", Jess informed the now complete team.

Barely fifteen minutes later most of them went home. He was unable to concentrate on anything though. Even in his appartment the only things he could think of were the anomaly and Sarah. Looking up from the guitar he had started playing about half a year ago he saw that it had started to rain. It was somehow fitting he thought. Going out on his balcony he let the rain cool him down. His thougts began to drift when the dull sounds of the rain and the city lulled him in. His life, his accomplishments, he had done well for the better part of it. He had never been perfect, far from it, but there was no denying that it had been good. Every decision along his way had strenghed him in one way or another. He had dreams he wanted to fulfill and things he hoped would happen but all of this, all these things that would normally cheer a person up seemed grey next to the death of Sarah Page. It wasn't fair towards his team who tried so hard. Not fair towards Matt who was a good leader and intelligent in his own right when all Becker could think of when Matt made an observant remark was how Sarah had always taken in every small detail. It wasn't fait to Abby who did so well with creatures and defended them with so much heart that whenever the girl protested against something all he could think of was how Sarah had argued with whoever had opposed her. It wasn't fair that whenever Connor worked on the ACD or some other devices all he saw was Sarah working on the artifact. It wasn't fair towards Lester that every snarky remark brought forth his memories of Sarah declaring him her hero. It wasn't fair that whenever he looked at an old picture of the old team he barely acknowledged the fact that Denny was still missing because all he saw was Sarah. It wasn't fair that whenever he looked at the pair of glasses on one of his tables he remembered how she had left them there. He was still unable to move them. Most of all though it wasn't fair towards Jess who seemed to genuely seemed to like him that every action of her reminded him even more of what he was missing.

Despite all this he couldn't help himself and tears mingled with the rain.

_Meine Hoffnungen und Träume,  
meine Vorstellung von Glück.  
All das wonach ich mich sonst sehne,  
es ist wertlos ohne dich._

All die Kreuzungen und Wege.  
Alles was so lang hinter mir liegt.  
Man bräuchte mich nicht zweimal fragen,  
ich würde tauschen gegen dich.

Jedes noch so schöne Erlebnis.  
Jeden Triumph und jeden Sieg.  
_Meine allerbesten Momente,  
ich würde sie tauschen gegen dich_

It was the truth; he would give it all to have her back again. With that last thoughthe moved his head away from his hands in order to go back inside. His clothes were drenched after all. He let his eyes wander one last time. His eyes caught a movement down on the street and he turned his head only to stare dead in the eyes of the one person he had thought about not moments before. No coherent thougth was able to be formed yet his lips formed a name so painfully familiar he couldn't believe it, "Sarah..."

Revies are loved^^


	3. Savin me

When Sarah was able to catch her breath she started to look around only to be met with the view of the very place she had stopped hoping to see agin. She was in the London of the 21st century. Looking around she found the street to be familiar, yet she had no idea where she could go. Taking in the fact that the anomaly was already gone she turned all of her thoughts to the one question that became a lot harder to answer when she saw the date. It had been nearly one year since she had nearly died, nearly one year since she had gone missing. Sarah was almost certain that her appartment would be sold by now. It started raining and her legs seemed to react on pure instinct, moving her somewhere. Sarah had no idea where she was going but she could feel herself gradually relax in the English rain, the loud but monotone sounds of the city lulling her brain in a nearly peacefull state. She never thougth that she would enjoy walking around in a loud city getting soaking wet this much. Still when she realized where she was he whole body became rigid again. Even more so when she saw a lone figure standing out on a balcony letting the rain fall on his face. Now she knew where she had walked. Maybe this was a safe place where she could sort things out, get used to this life again and heal her minor wounds. By the look of it, by the look of the man holding his head in his hands, looking lost even from where she was standing she wasn't sure about it. She had no choice though. He was the one she trusted most, the one who knew her even without saying anything. He had been her best friend before she had vanished, her confident, all she had needed to live. After Abby, Connor and Danny had vanished she had slept at his place more often than not. He had kept her standing, had been her strenght and had given her all he could so she could continue working on the better days, functioning on the worse. Now she could see what her supposed death had done to him and she wondered if she really should do this, wander back into his life and possibly ruin him even more than she had already done. Sarah wondered if she was worth it. Just for a moment she wondered if she could risc his health for her own well-being. Then it was too late as she had stepped closer towards the house and his eyes had caught her movement.

In the midst of the rain, both of them soaking wet and finding some sort of solace in the weather their gazes met. She could see the disbelieve clear in his eyes, as clear as she could hear the one word that left his lips. A word she shouldn't be able to hear considering that she still stood on the other side of the street and he was two floors higher than she was. Yet the word reached her ears as clear as if he stood right next to her. "Sarah..."

_Show me what it's like  
To be the last one standing  
And teach me wrong from right  
And I'll show you what I can be  
Say it for me  
Say it to me  
And I'll leave this life behind me  
Say it if it's worth saving me  
These city walls ain't got no love for me  
I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story  
And oh I scream for you  
Come please I'm callin'  
And all I need from you  
Hurry I'm fallin'  
And all I need is you,  
Come please I'm callin',  
And all I scream for you  
Hurry I'm fallin'_

She did not realise when he left the balcony, she did not see him when he opened the door she did not hear him when he ran over the street. Only when he pressed her into his body she felt him and the world started to move again. Her silence was broken, sobbs left her breathless and she clung to the only solutied she had. Regardless of that she felt how he held her just as desperately, needing her close in order to make sure that she was real. Sarah needed to say something, she needed to... she wasn't sure what she needed. All she knew was that she was home again. "Becker", the lone word that left her lips, the word that made him loosen his grip slightly. She immediatly felt less grounded but the worry and pain in his eyes brought it all back. His voice fitting his look too well, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry", he repeated it like a prayer but Sarah was unable to tell him that none of it was his fault. She was unable to move, unable to do anything. She wanted to say that it had been her idea, that she had been stubborn but as much as it was the truth reality around her came crashing in more and more now. Then the world went black.

Please review?  
A review means a small preview of the next chapter ;)


	4. Tears don't Fall

I obviously still own nothing. Not Primeval and not the songs I used as inpiration. Still I hope you enjoy and leave a review.

His eyes hurt but he couldn't move them away from the uncouscious woman lying in his bed. She was back, Sarah was back. He was still unable to believe it, his mind barely able to register the fact that this was indeed real. The warmth from her embrace had left him long ago but he was content watching her sleeping. Once or twice his hand had pushed a stray strand of hair from her face and her name left his lips. He felt guilt, pain and happieness all at once. Somehow though even the strongest emotion was pushed back the moment she turned around indicating that she wasn't unconscious anymore but only sleeping. When one of her arms moved out from under the blanket and a thin long scar was revealed his thoughts caught on to the real life again. He was afraid what Sarah thought about their last mission, what she thought about his failure. Becker was so close to panic that he didn't even question how she had survived. It was all too much, he had to get out.

_With blood shot eyes I watch you sleeping  
The warmth I feel beside me is slowly fading  
Would she hear me if I calls her name?  
__Would she hold me if she knew my shame?_

His hands were shaking when he grabbed the sink in his bath. Still they were the only thing holding him up as he suddenly felt drained and paniced all at once. His head hung low, his breathing was uneven and his vision blurry but it didn't matter for he didn't register his surroundings anyway, all he saw was Sarahs sleeping form in his bed. A whimper escaped his lips. This was pathetic but he couldn't help but feel guitly. She could have died; he had thought that she had been dead. He had seen one scar and wondered how many more she had. He was to blame. It was all him who should have been able to safe her.

Raising his head he looked at his mirrorimage and was shoked by his looks. His eyes were wide, his hair tousled and some strands hang in his sweaty face. On autopilot he turned on the water in the shower, tossed off his clothes and went in to get soaked. Somehow lethargic he let the water run over his body until he felt nothing, then his legs gave in and he slowly slid down he shower-wall. Unable to grasp any thought running through his head he sat there. All sense of time had left him the moment he had bolted from his bedroom. The pictures of Sarah, the predator and her scar slowly fading into nothingness, the sound of the shower the only thing his mind registered anymore.

_The moments died, I hear no screaming  
The visions left inside me are slowly fading  
Would she hear me if I calls her name?  
__Would she hold me if she knew my shame?_

It was only when the water run cold enough to hurt that he stood up, able to think again. His breathing was normal again and he looked less paniced but still his eyes seemed empty even to him. It was the lingering fear that Sarah had only hugged him because he was the person who had been there, the fear that she hated him, the fear that it really had all been his fault. Donning a pair of black sweatpants and a dark blue shirt he walked out of the bathroom to get something to drink. As he walked towards the living-room he couldn't help but throw a look at his bed seeing Sarah sleep. Despite his fears a small smile crossed his features. She was back.

With a bottle of water in his hand he made his way towards the free space next to his couch in order to go through some combat motions. He had to do something to clear his head and there was no way he could shoot arrows in his appartment. Playing his guitar was also impossible because there was no way he would dare to wake up Sarah.

Fifteen minutes into combat-training he found himself putting too many emotions into it. He was unable to get his head in the game; rather the more he tried the less it worked. Every memory came back and as pathetic as is was he broke down again. It was a lot like the time when Sarah had died, he was utterly unable to control his emotions. Compared to the last time he had broken down not half an hour ago this was somewhat worse, he was angry at himself for standing in the middle of the room, his breath caught in his throat feeling that nothing would be alright. He should stop with the pity-party. He was a soldier and it wasn't as if Sarah had died, she had come back. Yet another thing to put on the list of his failures. He was unable to react according to the situation, he should be happy whatever her reaction would be because she was back and he had not totally failed at keeping the team alive. He should be happy because not only were Abby and Connor back but the woman he had grown exrtemly close to was back in his life making him see hope again. Needless to say he was still far too insecure and afraid though. When would this be over, when would he be able to move on?

_This battered room I've seen before  
The broken bones they heal no more, no more  
With my last breath I'm choking  
Will this ever end I'm hoping  
My world is over one more time_

Sarah stood at the entrance to the living-room with a worried look marring her featrues. She was watching Becker as he stood there shaking. Silent tears rolled down his face, each one piercing her heart once more for she knew he was crying them out of guilt.

She didn't know when she had moved towars him or when she had pulled him in a hug. She didn't know when they had moved over to sit on the couch cuddled together or when she had started telling him that it wasn't his fault. What she knew was that she had been the one who had left his side. He was not to blame but even though she tried so hard to tell him this he seemed s breakable she was shocked that it was her fault.

Her own eyes welled up when she saw a picture of herself standing on a bookshelf on the other side of the room. Around it stood three flowerpots with an unusual choice of flowers. Dark blue pansies and snowdrops, loyality, rememberence and hope along with a forget-me-not, combining the meanings of the other two flowers and adding a new meaning.

"It's not your fault, it's alright, we are alright. I'm here now; I'm here because I feel safe here. Don't... please. We are alright." She wasn't certain whether she tried to convince him or herself but it didn't matter as both of them seemed to calm down. Their breathing returned to a normal pace. Yet none of them seemed to be able to let go, both holding on, keeping themself together, trying to stay grounded.

They stayed huddled together like that for the rest of the night until way past the start of Beckers shift. Lying on the couch together no words were spoken but somehow among the silence of the night they had reached an agreement. They would safe eachother as long as they needed to and none was to blame for the incident a year ago. They would be alright. Somehow.

_Your tears don't fall  
They crash around me  
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home  
Your tears don't fall  
They crash around me  
Her conscience calls the guilty to come home_

As Sarah watched him leave she saw that he stood a little straighter than the night before, he seemed to carry himself with more ease. A small smile tugged at the corner of her lips when he turned to look up to her on the balcony and shot her a smile before getting in the car and driving of no doubt already awaited by a furious Lester. For a moment she allowed herself to be happy, closed her eyes and let the sun shine on her face.

Sometimes after rainstorms came the most beautiful days. She could only hope.


End file.
